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#gentlediscipline is pretty simple really; it's all about understanding why children behave in a certain way, helping to resolve any problems they have and then positively teaching them more appropriate ways to behave. Nobody learns best when they feel sad, shamed or excluded! (I’m looking at you naughty steps, time out, detentions and isolations!). . . . #gentleparenting #gentledisciplinebook #motherhoodinspired #toddlerlife #peacefulparenting #mindfulparenting #attachmentparenting #naturalparenting #positiveparenting #positivediscipline #schooldiscipline #education #behaviourchange #behaviourmanagement #toddlertantrums #timeout #naughtystep #motherhoodrising #parentinginspiration #sarahockwellsmith #gentleparentinguk #gentlemothering #parentingbook #parentingbooks #parentingtipsMy reply: . It’s VERY common for 'good eater' babies to regress into 'picky eater' toddlers. Babies tend to be more open to trying new foods and quickly develop a wide, varied palate. Then toddlerhood strikes and suddenly your child refuses 99% of what they would happily eat as a baby. This usually hits between 12 and 18 months, as you've found! . What causes it? Mostly genetics and simple biology. Toddlers are naturally protected by neophobia (the avoidance of new foods) and the dislike of bitter tastes. They favour sweet and savoury/salty foods, with bland tastes. They have more tastebuds than we do and so taste things more strongly (especially bitterness). The main culprit when it comes to bitter foods is anything green (ie most veg!), because of a compound found in them which tastes bitter. This avoidance of bitterness keeps toddlers safe, back when we were hunter gatherers it would have helped to make sure they weren't accidentally poisoned. Obviously we know we offer them safe foods, but their genetic coding still prepares them for hunter-gatherer days. Toddlers also struggle with autonomy, or not having much control, especially when it comes to eating. As adults we over-ride their hunger and satiety levels, trying to make them eat when they're not hungry because it fits a time when we feel they should eat. We control what temperature food they eat, what food they are given (and can leave), how much they are served, what it is served on and how they eat it. The only thing a toddler can control is whether they swallow the food (or put it in their mouth in the first place). . Picky eating begins to disappear naturally as children grow, until then, the best response is to understand this normal eating pattern, accept it, keep offering, keep emotions out of meal times, trust your toddler to self-regulate their eating, let them get messy and play with food to familiarise it, and work on your own feelings around eating. You can find much more information in my Gentle Eating Book. . #AskSOS #gentleparentingquestion #parentingquestion #pickyeating #toddlereats #pickyeaters #intuitiveeating #gentleeating #gentleeatingbook #gentleparenting #sarahockwellsmithLOVING TWO . I walk along holding your two year old hand, basking in the glow of our magical relationship. Suddenly I feel a kick from within, as if to remind me that our time alone is limited. And I wonder: How could I ever love another child as I love you? Then she is born and I watch you. I watch the pain you feel at having to share me as you've never shared me before. I hear you telling me in your own way "Please love only me." And I hear myself telling you in mine "I can't." Knowing, in fact, that I never can again. . You cry. I cry with you. I almost see our new baby as an intrusion on the precious relationship we once shared. A relationship we can never quite have again. But then, barely noticing,I find myself attached to that new being,and feeling almost guilty. I'm afraid to let you see me enjoying her- as though I am betraying you. But then I notice your resentment change, first to curiosity, then to protectiveness, finally to genuine affection. . More days pass, and we are settling into a new routine. The memory of days with just the two of us is fading fast. But something else is replacing those wonderful times we shared, just we two. There are new times - only now, we are three. I watch the love between you grow, the way you look at each other, touch each other. I watch how she adores you - as I have for so long. I see how excited you are by each other's new accomplishments. And I begin to realize that I haven't taken something from you, I've given something to you. . I notice that I am no longer afraid to share my love openly with both of you. I find that my love for each of you is as different as you are, but equally strong. And my question is finally answered, to my amazement. Yes, I can love another child as much as I love you - only differently. And although I realize that you may have to share my time, I now know you'll never share my love. There's enough of that for both of you - you each have your own supply. I love you - both. And I thank you both for blessing my life. . Author Unknown . . . #siblingrivalry #newbaby #newbigbrother #newbigsister #lovingtwo #secondborn #secondbaby #secondbabybook #gentleparenting #sarahockwellsmithMy reply: . I don't think we really understand what a huge transition becoming a big sibling is for young children and we certainly underestimate how long it can take them to make peace with the transition. . Everything in your son's life changed in January when the baby arrived. He went from being the baby of the family, receiving 100% of your attention to suddenly being "the big one", receiving far less of your time (and in his mind - your love). He has had to grieve the loss of the individual relationship he had with you and come to terms with being replaced by somebody much smaller & much cuter (in his eyes). The baby offers him little at the moment - being too young to play with, or to make a friend of. He has lost everything and gained nothing. He's angry at you (because you made this happen) and he's angry at the baby (for taking his place). It's no surprise that his behaviour is difficult. Similarly, it's common for new big siblings (and he is a NEW big sibling, the transition can impact for months, even years!) to regress in their behaviour; eg: to speak like a baby, want to breast/bottle feed and in your case - want rocking. These are all things he sees the baby having and he wants to be treated equally. Similarly, he sees that the baby is cute and gets attention, so he speaks like a baby - in the hopes you see him as cute too. . What can you do? Ultimately - wait. Reset your expectations (and when he will 'get over' this), stay empathic, never ever call him "a big boy now". If he wants to be called a baby, then call him a baby. Tell him he's still your baby and talk about the times you miss alone with him. Rock him if you can. Breast or bottle feed him if that's what he wants. Make sure that you do his full bedtime, not just the last tucking up in bed (without the baby in the room too). Make special time with him alone (it's you he needs, not dad) have a regular 'date' out of the house away from the baby and talk about it during the week. Finally, remind yourself that one day in the future he will be grateful for having a sibling - just not yet 😉 . #AskSOS #gentleparentingquestion #siblingrivalry #secondbabybook #gentleparenting #sarahockwellsmithTop Posts & Pages
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Tag Archives: cio
Self Settling – What Really Happens When You Teach a Baby to Self Soothe to Sleep
So many, parents and experts alike, advocate the idea of “teaching a baby to self settle” or “self soothe”. Self soothing is often referred to as the holy grail of baby sleep, once babies can self soothe, parents are told to expect … Continue reading →
Posted in Babies, Preschoolers, Toddlers
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Tagged amygdala controlled crying, cio, gentle sleep training, gina ford, hippocampus controlled crying, maternal nurturing, pick up put down, self settling, self settling myth, self soothing, self soothing myth, sleep training, teach baby to self settle, teach baby to self soothe, the baby whisperer
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116 Comments
I Can Get any Baby Sleeping Through the Night in One Week
WARNING – THE START OF THIS POST IS FICTITIOUS I DO NOT REALLY RECOMMEND THE FOLLOWING – PLEASE READ TO THE END! I am 99% certain I can get any baby, even a tiny 8 week old ‘sleeping through’ 7pm … Continue reading →
Posted in Babies
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Tagged baby expert UK, baby sleep, baby sleep expert, baby sleep trainer, baby sleep training, baby whisperer, cio, contented little baby sleep, controlled comforting, controlled crying, controlled soothing, cry it out, gina ford, parenting expert UK, pick up put down, spaced soothing
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44 Comments
An Open Letter to Gina Ford – Author of The Contented Little Baby Book
Dear Gina, I was interested to learn of your latest book “The Contented Mother’s Guide” (via this Daily Mail article: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2110738/Don-t-say-sex-ready-childcare-guru-Gina-Ford-tells-new-mothers.html). I haven’t read your book yet so am only commenting on what appears to be the press releases sent out … Continue reading →
Posted in Babies, Mothering
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Tagged attachment parenting expert, baby expert, baby feeding routine, baby sleep through the night, baby sleep training, birth trauma, cio, contented little baby, controlled crying, cry it out, Daily Mail, dream feed, gina babies, gina ford, gina ford book, gina ford feeding, gina ford routine, gina ford sleep, gina ford weaning, new baby routine, newborn routine, parenting expert, pnd, postnatal depression, postnatal recovery, Sarah Ockwell-Smith, sleep training, uk baby expert, uk parenting expert
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