“That’s the problem with the youth of today – no discipline, parents who mollycoddle them, wrap them up in cotton wool and let the little darlings get away with everything.”
“The youth of today have no respect, they run riot, out of control. Their parents are to blame of course.”
Go to any social media discussion about today’s generation of children and you will find a comment similar to the above. These statements are wrong for so many reasons. They are spoken through rose-tinted spectacles forgetting the past and misinterpreting the present. Incorrect beliefs and assumptions are woven to create a tapestry of falsehoods and myths.
The truth is – the youth of today are some of the best behaved in history – despite their parenting still very much focusing on harsh, outdated, authoritarian approaches, the adults of today just have trouble remembering and viewing the world without the discrimination with which they themselves were raised as a child.
The Truth of The Youth of Today
The inconvenient truth, that it appears those uttering these statements don’t realise, is that actually – children and teens today are much better behaved than those from previous generations. They smoke less, drink less, have sex later, have less teen pregnancies, achieve better at school and exhibit more prosocial behaviour than previous generations. They also care more about the environment, animals and social justice issues.
The kids are alright actually – they put a lot of adults to shame, especially the older generations who claim they are unruly tyrants. The sad truth is, that older adults have always complained about the youth of today and they’ve almost always been wrong.
Why do the same old complaints resurface every generation? Most likely it’s a memory issue. Psychologist John Protzko, who studied the phenomenon of ‘the kids of today’ with colleagues at the University of California explains it as “A memory tic that just keeps happening, generation after generation”, suggesting that these statements also reflect the bias held by those who believe them.
Most adults today were raised with a great degree of childism, or discrimination towards children. They were brought up to believe that children (and their views and needs) were somehow worth less than those of full-grown adults, this childism clouds views when the discriminated child becomes the adult with all the power. The childism is subconsciously passed down from generation to generation unless somebody is brave enough to challenge it.
No, Most Parents Don’t Follow Gentle Parenting
I get it, turn on the radio, flick open the newspaper, or tune in to a daytime TV programme and you would be forgiven for thinking that all parents today are following gentle parenting. You’d also likely believe that gentle parenting is basically akin to letting children do whatever they want, with zero boundaries or discipline. Both of these are incorrect. Most children today are still raised with traditional parenting practices that involve discipline via carrots and sticks (bribery and fear). Gentle parenting, despite its name actually places a strong focus on having boundaries, discipline and saying “no” a lot – these things are just done with compassion, calmness, empathy and understanding of the child and their abilities based on their age.
When the naysayers complain about the “unruly, disrespectful children of today” what they’re actually doing is criticising more traditional parenting practices – those that involve a lot of punishment, shaming, blaming, excluding, yelling and sadly – hitting (over 60% of parents in the UK admit to smacking their children according to a recent YouGov poll).
It is true that children raised in this way are more likely to display anti-social behaviour (if you yell at a child and hurt them physically or emotionally to try to manipilulate their behaviour, what you’re ultimately teaching them is to resolve problems with others with insults, disrespect and their fists). Ironically, in criticising “the youth of today” it is the very parenting practices that are being put on a pedestal as “the best way to teach children respect!” that are causing the problematic behaviour.
Alas, gentle parenting is still very much a fringe movement. It may seem as if the whole world is doing it, based on the media reports and TikTok videos, but the very reasons these are shared so widely, is because they are so unusual and unlike the parenting most of us were raised with. The novelty factor is high, but the true followers are significantly lower.
Imagine the Future if Parents Followed More Respectful Approaches
If “the kids of today” are more sociable, respectful and better behaved than ever, in spite of the majority being raised with traditional parenting, can you imagine how amazing they would be if gentle parenting WAS mainstream? If it was the default way to raise children? What would our world look like if everybody in it was raised with genuine respect? If their needs for attachment and emotional support were fully met? If they felt supported, listened to and their rights were upheld? Would we see a shift in society? Would we see less mental health issues? Less broken relationships? Better physical health? Less war? More caring about the environment?
As I say in my new book ‘Because I Said So! Why Society is childist and how breaking the cycle of discrimination towards children can change the world’ – if we want to change the world for the better, we must start with treating children better.
We’re not there yet, but the journey has finally begun…
Essential for parents, carers, teachers and anybody who works with children, Because I Said So! is both a thought-provoking guide and an urgent call to action. It will help you to understand your own upbringing and how this has shaped your beliefs and behaviour; prompt you to consider the prevalence of childism in society today, so that you can change the way you look after the children in your care or reinforce the approach you are already taking; and consider how we can transform the way our society treats children to create positive, lasting change for generations to come.
Click HERE to get your copy
Sarah Ockwell-Smith 
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