The following is a short excerpt from my new book ‘How to Raise a Teen‘:
Have you ever thought about the last time you did something with your young person (YP)? When they are little, we commemorate their firsts; first steps, first words, first solid food, their first pair of shoes and the first time they slept through the night. We take photos to stick in photo albums and share their pictures proudly on our social media. We call family and friends and let them know how exciting their new achievements are. Their lasts however either pass us by unconsciously, or we mark them with sorrow and regretful retrospect; the last school assembly or play, the last time you took them to a school disco, the last time you tucked them into bed at night, the last time you bought a toy for their Christmas (or other religious festivals) or birthday.
The last Christmas toy purchase always gets me the most.
You may be wondering why? Especially since it is surely the most materialistic of memories. Because it marks such a strong line between childhood and approaching adulthood.
Gone are the Christmases of the past where you would be handed a crumpled Christmas list with excitement, after they walked past the latest toy in a shop window, with wide-eyed wonder. There are no more Christmas Eve nights spent trying to quietly assemble large toys, before draping them in wrapping paper, ready for eyes twinkling as brightly as fairy lights, and eager hands to run and rip into on Christmas morning. There are no more sounds of electric trains, toy police car sirens, or meowing electronic pet cats competing for attention over Christmas cartoons on Christmas day afternoon. Now Christmas is silent.
Christmas eve is increasingly spent alone, waiting up for your YP to safely return from an evening out with their friends, the morning is also quiet, as you wonder what time your YP will wake up and finally get out of bed to begin the festivities. The afternoons are so often spent with their faces in a book, or a screen, with headphones on. The silence of adolescence and early adulthood can be deafening. Never did you image you would miss the cacophony of early childhood, and yet here you are.
What can you do if you recognise these feelings? Honestly, I have no expert answers. You gradually become acclimatised to the new stage in your life. It makes you appreciate the little things more and cherish glimpses of how things used to be. If your YP asks you to play a board game with them or join them for a game on their new console, you accept without hesitation.
You create new traditions too, in my family, our crazy Christmas eve nights have been replaced by a family Indian takeaway. It may sound a little dull, but it has become a beloved tradition that my YP never want to miss. Each year there is another seat at the table added, as their new partners join us and our family expands. I hope someday in the future even more chairs will be added as grandchildren are born, and so we start the cycle of noise, flashing lights, ridiculously early morning wake ups and discarded wrapping paper again. This time however, I know I will appreciate it far more than I ever did before and can hopefully give my adult children a much-needed break as I take some of the night wakes, early mornings, and constant requests to play off their hands.
If you’re a parent to a (nearly) 13-21 year old, and you want a little helping hand to get through the tougher days, you’re exactly who I wrote ‘How to Raise a Teen’ for. Find pre-order information HERE.
Sarah Ockwell-Smith 
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